No more obligations on the weekends

Our weekends used to be filled with dinners, birthdays and gatherings. When the COVID measurements were introduced and the lockdown came, I felt relieved. Of course not because of COVID, that was terrible. But because all our appointments were canceled. No more obligations on the weekends. I soon knew I didn’t want to go back to fully planned weekends again, I like this low-key life.

It is okay to say that you are not available

I used to be a people pleaser. I was insecure and would meet with people to go out, while I didn’t have the energy for it. But I thought ‘I can’t say no to them’.  As I got older I found out that it is okay to say that you are not available. You can always do it in a respectful way and it’s up to them if they accept it or feel offended by it. You are not responsible nor can you control how other people take things. But from my experience, when you respectfully decline an invitation, people are totally fine with that.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

But this is still a learning process. For instance, we were invited to a birthday party of people we know. There would be a gathering of 30 people that we hardly know in a restaurant with flickering lights. I didn’t want to let the birthday guy down, but I know that this birthday party would drain me for days. And not only me, but also my husband and daughter. So I made a nice basket with a present and brought it to him. And we let them know that unfortunately we were not going to make it.

It’s not about pleasing other people, or about being selfish. It’s about being true to yourself  while caring for others. One does not have to exclude the other.

The scripture of proverbs 4:23 ’Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life’, is always helpful when setting a boundary,

You can just say ‘no’

“Also they feel free to say ‘no’ to me when they don’t have the energy and then they have my understanding too”

What I also learned is that you don’t have to give people a reason why you won’t be coming. You can just say ‘no’, or you can say that you are not available. And when people are asking to meet you don’t have to respond immediately. You can say you will check your calendar and then get back to them.

Now I can also say to good friends ‘Sorry I can’t meet, I’m very tired and have no energy. Let’s meet another day’. And they are understanding. But also they feel free to say ‘no’ to me when they don’t have the energy and then they have my understanding too. I like the clear communication and openness.

Keeping the weekends free

“I love that it’s normal for us to not have any plans on the weekends”

Moving to Spain also meant that we didn’t have weekends fully planned with dinners and birthdays anymore. And for us it is important to keep the weekends free. But you meet new people and then it’s important to not get back to where you were. Because where I am now, is my happy place, where I feel joy and peace. And it’s not that we don’t meet with friends, we do go out for dinners, have bbq’s etc. But we do it in a way that we don’t get overwhelmed and we don’t do it every weekend.

I love that it’s normal for us to not have any plans on the weekends. I don’t have to think ahead and I don’t have things to prepare. We can do things that suit our mood at that moment. And there is time to do things spontaneously, which always ends up in having a lovely time.